life has been surprisingly better. i've become more productive & done more with my life this past month, than in the past year. im pretty happy.

my new apartment is great. i no longer feel like a bum. living with my parents. i have to do everything on my own. but it's nice. im working 7 days a week. so i can have extra money. im living pretty comfortably.

i'm looking for a new car, but there isn't anything that ive seen that i can't live without. my car is ready to die though. its been leaking anti-freeze. im not trying to deal with that. ive had several guy friends look at it & they cant figure it out. so im not wasting my money on it.

i'm so full of knowledge now, i read constantly, do something productive with my free time. melissa and i went to barnes and knobel yesterday. i picked up 3 photography books. you can never know too much of something you love. i've been taking so many pictures & getting so many comments on my work. ive heard that im progressing into a talented artist. that makes me happy that someone else thinks that about me. i love having bands & people ask me to do photos for them. i think i found my secret ability/art. dont get me wrong, i still paint and draw, but im so wrapped up in photography. its great. bryant gave me an old camera he found in his attic. its a minolta xg-m. a 35mm. with an after market zoom lense. it works! i am so excited to use it. i just need a good oppertunity....

ive made so many new friends since bryant i broke up. alot of people i stopped talking to came around again and we mended things. its nice. im back to where i was. i discovered who my friends are, and who are the ones that just hung out with me b/c of who i dated. my true friends told me that they'd support me in whatever i do. its nice to have people who care & back me up in my decisions. even if it is to start again with bryant.

things could better i guess, in the boyfriend department. im not looking for co-dependency though. just maybe a best friend type boyfriend? i know, i know, alot of people are giving me hell about bryant. i can't help it. if only you could see the whole story. both sides. everything. one of my friends, who knows both of us told me today that there has to be a reason why we keep doing this. he can clearly see we're all about eachother. those were his exact words.it made me think. i thought all day. im still thinking...i guess we'll see what happens. i'm open minded about the situation. if he wants this to work, then we'll make it work. those were the last words i heard. if not, then i guess it's done. i cant do anything about it. all i know is that either way, ill be happy.

i have some new pictures ill be putting up soon. im changing my myspace around. ive been getting so many messages and requests for shoots, im going to make a photography myspace & my personal myspace, i think. idk yet. it's so nice out, im going outside to take more pictures :) check back soon! <3

an update on life.

july's almost over. i haven't updated in months. let's see...


bryant and i are finally over. after months of fighting and constant lies from him, he decided to break up with me. again.
i decided its the last straw. the past 7 months were a joke. a waste of time.
i'm done being played.
i'm done dating assholes who think they're better than everyone because they're HARCORE.
im done being lied to about who he's talking to and what he does.
plain and simple. i didnt trust him & he didnt give me a reason to.
especially when talked to me about trust, saying that he understands why i dont trust him & hes going to work on it...when he's clearly lying to my face about whats going on inside his house. especially when hes lying to the other girls he's with too.
i've never had hated for someone. i just plain out hate him now. yeah, its shitty of me to hate someone, but i dont have any other way to describe it.
bryant stahl; youre a selfish asshole. you will NEVER change. i dont feel bad for you. maybe someday youll grow up. you were SO right when you said you were still a kid.
i'm sorry i'm not what you want. i'm sorry im not a scene whore. i'm sorry i dont have stretched ears. i'm sorry i never came from the hxc scene. i'm me. i'm sorry you cant like me for me.

but enough about ex boyfriends...
i'm moved into my apartment. i brought winter and lilly too!
my room mates are cool. i love melissa and john!
melissa is this happy go lucky girl. she always has high spirits & cheers me up when im bummed.
we've been spending lots and lots of time together. yesterday we dressed up, went out to the mall & some new things. it was fun!
we even decided that once a week we're going to dress up & go out to eat & make a day of it. i am wayyyy too excited about it! lol.

john is really laid back, doesnt care what happens. he gives the best advice. hes pretty much calls all the shots when it comes to me and relationships. we share the same music interests and
share clothes. hahaha!

my life is finally getting put into place;
waking up early. getting things done. being in a better mood at work. back to drinking coffee every morning. hahah!
im finding out who my friends are & whos there just there because of who i'm dating.
i'm not trying to date anyone right now. im just letting that happen. if i find someone, then i do. i dont need to rely on anyone anymore. co-dependency is stupid. i can do things on my own. i like it that way too.
although some people are trying to date me, im keeping my options open. you know, just trying to have fun with friends.